A couple of days ago, I went for a job interview. It was my first. I wasn’t confident but oddly enough I was sure about myself. I was there with two of my friends, who were also applying for the job, all three of us were quite jittery.
Both of them are very different from me- in terms of personality. They are both so vivacious and full of life. Then there is me, sitting there with all the life sucked out of me. It’s like the two Queen of Hearts, Queen of diamonds and the Jack of Spades sitting together. The Jack of Spades always has nothing to say, and even if he does, he never says it, cause they are never going to understand or will contradict. I sometimes wonder why I keep seeing my life through the eyes of a male, it’s times like these when I realize, some of my friends who are girls are way to “pink” for me. I’m a shade of grey. Dull, jading, lifeless. I’m the living Slyvia Plath. I remember sitting there and thinking, how the fuck did we become friends? What do I have in common with them. Nothing.
So right before I went for my interview, the three of us held hands and said a prayer. I don’t know whether it was a prayer of faith or a prayer of hope. For me it was a prayer of hope, in that moment I felt peace, in that moment I felt like what is meant to written will be written. It was not the prayer that made the difference, it was the fact that we three held hands and I felt that peace. I felt that unity. And my prayer to whom so ever it may concern was very simple. I prayed that we remain together, and I prayed for the best for the two people who’s hands I was holding. In that moment, I had forgotten my existence. I had forgotten to say that prayer for myself.
An hour later we were driving back home, I was the only one without a smile on my face. I don’t clearly understand what happened that day or what exactly I felt. I just realized that moments like those that I felt when I was holding my friends hands aren’t real, they are transient moments that are not meant to last and never will last. I’m not upset that I didn’t get the job, I’m upset that the feeling I had in that particular moment which I had wanted to last had vanished. I’m happy for both my friends and I will always extract happiness from their success. Today I’m living off that moment when I had three cards in my hands, two have been played, and the jack of spades is the only one left.
1 Comment
June 5, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Not many people get a job at first try. At least your friends were there to support you.