He was an interesting book that I never finished. He gave me hope. Hope that there might actually be someone like me. Hope that someone can look into my eyes and make me feel stark naked. I met him at a pub, I was drunk and I hit on him (aggressively I must add). I gave me all my phone numbers that night and asked him to call me. And he did. This might not be his story or our story, but it is my version of the story, through my eyes.
It was easy. No complications. There was no pretendance. I was very comfortable. I admired his art and knowledge. He was a gentleman. The first night he took me out for a couple of drinks, I was completely mesmerized. It’s like that feeling you get when you’re driving your car on the highway and your listening to a song you’ve never heard before and it makes sense, it does not need to grow on you, and you’ve been waiting for a song like this to be played for a long long time. I did not get to listen to the end of the song.
Then there were bike rides, holding hands, listening to music and late night phone conversations. I did not want to be the one to make the first move, wanted to take things a bit slow, I liked him. But I did want to fuck him/very horny around him. So one night while listening to ACDC – The Honey Roll, he got on top of me and started kissing me——-etc etc etc. We got naked, condom went on, and ————– nothing. I wasn’t disappointed. It was not about the sex. It was more about hope and that feeling that everything is going to be one day alright with people like him around. Today I was thinking, it was not a malfunction, it might not have had something to do with me either, it was probably a lack of intimacy. We barely knew each other. I don’t regret not having slept with him—— when and if I do get to “make love to him” (not fuck him) someday, it would be beautiful. He never once fell short of perfection. He deserves to be written about, cause he did rub off on me, and I felt like I was at home each time I saw him. I did not want it to end.
I’m writing this three months late. I wish I wrote it earlier so my memory could be more vivid. Each time I smell smoke, I remember, I remember how it felt to feel connected to someone you barely know. I wish I spent more time with him, we would have been perfect together. A friend of mine once told me “it’s all about timing”, it is all about timing, he was the Ace of Spades in my hand, and I did not have the right time to play him. I hope with all my heart that we cross paths again. I would never cease to look around for someone like him, a philospher, an artist and a extrovert. I was wounded before I met him, he never knew how well he healed me. Today things are not perfect for me, the day I left, while sitting in the train I was listening to Green Day’s Nimrod, had never listened to the album before, I’m not much of a Green Day fan. I came across this song “Time of your life”, each time I listen to that song, I will remember exactly how it felt. I’m listening to “Time of your life” right now, and I know that period of time I spent with him, was one of the most perfect times in my life, and I hope I get that period of time with him or someone else one day. I could have loved him uncondionally.
“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why.
It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still-frames in your mind.
Hang it on the shelf of good health and good time.
Tattoo’s of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.”
1 Comment
July 23, 2008 at 3:16 pm
This reminds me , there was a time in life when i was young / life had things and people that were quintessential, then one day that person left, I cursed life/myself/the situation.
The only way i got out was by letting go, “maturing” is the ugliest thing about life, it is actually learning to grow numb. your defense mechanism says no sensitive parts, so you actually become senseless.
It is rare to come across people who make you “feel” even after maturity. I honestly wish you find some one who makes you “feel” (and of course much better…) and or you guys cross paths again!! …I’m sure he feels the same way too!!!!