My stomach started to rumble, it had been 4 hours since I had that one sandwich for lunch. I had skipped breakfast, now it was five in the evening and I was sitting in my friend’s house watching him roll a joint in his bedroom. Okay, before I continue I need to assign the required tags. Let me go into the details, there were three of us sitting in the bedroom, Mr.V, Mr.S and me. We were at Mr.V’s place and he was throwing a party for Mr.S and me later that evening. I wasn’t really excited to begin with, very few things really excite me (concerts…hmm yeah just concerts).
So we smoked a joint….and I was pretty stoned. So Mr.V and Mr.S decided to play Fifa, I sat and watched them play. I wasn’t even bored. Mr.S decides he’s going to go for a shower, so Mr.V and me are left alone. Okay I need to get you up to date with Mr.V’s illegitimate activities. Here goes, Mr.V enters the female market on a daily basis to decide who and how many to fuck for that day. Let me continue to enlighten you of the situation, Mr.V can be considered good looking among most females, very charming and yes he is a millionaire. I have been on top of Mr.V’s list ever since he told me he was interested in me and I told him, ‘he was not my type’. I was not trying to play hard to get. And the cock always wants what it can’t have. Oh…before I forget, Mr.V has had a steady girlfriend for the last 3 years, and she has no clue why her boyfriend gets better and better in the sack day by day!
Come what may, I considered Mr.V a very good friend of mine. So once Mr.S disappeared for his shower, Mr.V holds me close ,starts nibbling on my neck and says ” I know you want me”. Thoughts were shifting quite rapidly in my head at that moment:
- Mr.V is throwing a party for me.
- How can I say no to a friend?? (how can I say no to a friend ?!?!?! I am the biggest, might I also add weakest fucking moron in this planet)
- Where the fuck is Mr.S!??
- Maybe if I give in once Mr.V will stop bothering me.
- Now really how long can Mr.S take in the shower??!!?
So before I knew it, his cock was in my mouth….and the door bell rang. It was his girlfriend.
Later on we went out to a club (I hate clubs….very pretentious!). I had a couple of drinks and returned to Mr.V’s place to start the party by 12. So this was how the night went, there must have been 30 people or more at Mr.V’s place. I spent most of my night on the balcony smoking, smoking up, and gulping down vodka shots. My best friend, lets call her Miss A, finds me to tell me Miss R is missing and so is Mr.V . I didn’t know whether to react surprised or shocked or to even care. I thought the best reaction was to not care. But I did care.
At that point, I felt alone, used and also like I got what I deserved. How could I have got entangled in this mess of a web? How did I come to this point? How could I have been so dumb and irresponsible? To make things worse, I blurted out to Miss A and Mr.S the happenings of Mr.V and me. I guess that was too much for Miss.A to take in at the moment.
Mr.V is very famous for dragging girls into bed with him, but I never thought that I would be one of his victims. Okay victim is too strong a word. All I saw in front of me was a demon, not a friend, someone who took our friendship and turned it into something neither of us can label. It does take two to tango, I should have said a very strong NO. That’s one of my biggest problems, when I know someone quite well it gets difficult for me to say no. I try to handle the situation as mature as I possibly can, but I always fuck up. I’ve always thought it good to make mistakes and learn from them, so that I can deal with situations better or differently when needed. And yes I do learn from my mistakes. But in my case I always make new mistakes, and I make a lot of them. Now a days I surprise myself with my capabilities. My morals are definitely rolling down the hill at the moment. I know its not possible to stop making mistakes altogether. But I wish I can atleast reduce the number of mistakes I make. Its strange in some ways because today I tell myself I’m not capable of doing certain things, but tomorrow they become my mistakes that I again need to learn from. We all have demons we need to face but why do I feel like I’m only surrounded by demons? I don’t see the same demon twice, but there seem to be an infinite number of demons who are targeting me. So what was the lesson I learned today….? There is a difference between the way girls are looked at and guys are looked at by the world, they can do the same things and the girl is labeled a slut but the guy gets away without a tag attached to him.
Miss.R and Mr.V had disappeared for more than an hour that night. The next day, when I returned home on the train, ‘Hello’ by Oasis kept running in my head.
” Nobody ever mentions the weather can make or break your day, Nobody ever seems to remember life is a game we play. We live in the shadows and we had the chance and threw it away. And it’s never gonna be the same, Cos the years are falling by like the rain and it’s never gonna be the same.”
